Facing Reality
by twinkledonberry
Summary: River spirit or not, Haku still feels for a certain mortal. Truth is always painful one way or another. And his is just startingto seep.


Facing reality  
  
pI.....I remember...../Ip  
  
p/p  
  
pAs I soar through the endless sky, the wind grows cold. My heart suffers as do my exposed face surrendering themselves to the lack of heat. The coldness I feel, as I always have, seem to grow as time goes by. It feels worse deep down. Worse than just a low temperature. It's meant to be like this though. After all, I'm immortal, a spirit with no rest and a curse. Trapped in my own haven. I'm cold not because of neglect. It's just because I'm about to lose the one thing in my life that's been of importance to me very soon. p  
  
p/p  
  
pSwamp bottom wasn't it? Back to ole Zaniba's place. My dear Chihiro...I'm coming. p  
  
p/p  
  
pI feel ashamed. I swore to myself I'll get her out of here as soon as I could. This world is a stranger to her and she does not belong here…yet. But, as we grew closer together, it got harder. I've never been this close to anyone, or anything, ever before. I never permitted it, seeing mortals around me grow weaker because of it. But for some strange reason, this girl seeped through cracks on my ego I never knew existed. Unfortunately she's just a mere mortal who happened to stray away from her own world. The confusion, panic and worry all must have been unbelievable, but she turned out alright. I took her under my wing without many beings knowing of it. Under the wing of a dragon, hmm, I've heard from somewhere once that it was comforting because of its natural warmth. Was I capable of that though? Last time I looked into her eyes, it seemed so. p  
  
p/p  
  
pI sigh. The morrow, more or less, she will go back. Leaving me here, again on my own. That was where she truly belonged. Back with the living. I shouldn't get depressed over such a little thing. For a moment I stopped these bothersome thoughts as I slowed down my pace landing in front of the old sorceress' cottage. My sensitive ears heard everything inside. I heard her coming. I heard her voice, that music that redeemed me not so long ago. That sweet sound that saved and healed me when I needed it. Saying my cursed name. p  
  
p/p  
  
pShe opened the door and shouted my name. Seeing her for the first time since I woke up, gave my heart a slight jolt. Like feeling alive once again. She touched me and it sent more sparks through my elongated serpentine body. Can't say I'm proud. It got a bit damp I noticed, she was sobbing. This girl was sobbing for a cold-hearted henchman. I am grateful. p  
  
p/p  
  
pPromises were made. The old lady forgave me, surprising since last time I saw her, she wanted me dead or worse. The 10-year-old girl climbed on my back and we soared through the skies again. p  
  
p/p  
  
pAfter a while, she started talking to me telling me she might know something that could help me remember my name. I intently listened to her, curious of what she was on about. Then, in a fraction of a second, everything came back to me. Kohaku. My eyes widened as shining silver scales surrendered themselves into the night sky. Freeing me of my former dragon form. I plummeted towards the earth overwhelmed of the realization that came to me. Kohaku. That was my name. I am the spirit of the Kohaku river. p  
  
p/p  
  
pI saw her falling beside me and we reached out for one another. Tears leaked from her beautiful eyes. For a moment, I felt overwhelmed with intense happiness. Touching her was the only wake-up call I needed. Right then and there, I dived ,never letting go of her hand, and we flew together all the way back to the bathhouse. I forgot all of my inner demons that moment, that night. Chihiro and me were all there was. p  
  
p/p  
  
pI saw the coming dawn falling upon us on the horizon. A silhouette of the bathhouse carved its shape into the beautiful morning sun. We heard everyone's cheer as they saw us. I land on the edge of the bridge and let go of her hand. She started towards the witch to whom I owe my life, yet I despise with it. As I promised, I always keep my promises, I brought back her "son" and she gave "Sen" her final test. I worried for a second, but then I realized she might need my trust. To my great relief, and all the other workers, she got it right. But all without being guilty of a wish of her missing it so she could stay here, with me, instead. It wasn't right to think that way, but I did. And I regret it. Everything kind of slowed down as I thought about my feelings towards this creature. A thought flashed to me, maybe I love her more than I already thought. It isn't impossible. p  
  
p/p  
  
pNo. I simply can't, it'll just weaken and devour me into loneliness of not having her beside me. As before. p  
  
p/p  
  
pI put the stupid thought beside me as she ran across the bridge. I took her hand and told her that her parents woke up and were already across the river waiting for her. After that last short sprint with her, we stopped at the top of the stone steps. Signaling that that was it. This'll be the last time we will ever see each other in a very long time. Almost unwillingly, I instructed her to and to not look back. p  
  
p/p  
  
pShe surprised me with her curiosity. p  
  
p/p  
  
p"Will I ever see you again?" p  
  
p/p  
  
pI looked into her those beautiful brown orbs and said that we will. I promised her that. And like I said before, I always keep my promises. She starts to run and I let go of her hand. Mine still suspended in mid air, lingering in the feel of hers. I let it back down and relax onto my side as I watched her figure shrink out of sight into the sea of green in front of me. p  
  
p/p  
  
pI was overcome with guilt when a voice inside of me called out to her, forcing me to yell so she'll turn to me. p  
  
pCome back Chihiro. p  
  
pRepeating over and over in my head. I told it to stop and it did. Just as her little dot disappeared through that dark hall she first entered. Suddenly, something wet touched my cheek. I reached up and touched whatever it was and found a tear. That had been the first time I shed a tear. But was it a tear of joy? or sorrow? or of what could never be? p  
  
p/p  
  
pI walked a few steps back and sat myself down. I knew she was going to forget about this world, the bathhouse, me and my promise as well. After all, this was the spirit world. She never had anything to do here. Just a stray mortal. p  
  
p/p  
  
pBut me, I'll never forget my promise to her. It's true we will see each other again someday. The only comfort it gave me was that time goes faster in this world than hers. It'll be a shorter wait. I can last 'till then. My shadow of a smile suddenly faded and a lost tear made its way on my cheek yet again. p  
  
p/p  
  
pKnowing she'll grow up, do something with her life and have her own family, broke the flicker of hope I saw. She'll find someone else to love and who will hopefully love her back. And me, I'll just be a long forgotten dream that'd stay in the darkest corners of her mind. p  
  
p/p  
  
pTrue, we will see each other again. And I will welcome her with open arms. p  
  
pBut it's just that. p  
  
p/p  
  
pIShe can't and never will be mine./I p  
  
p/p  
  
p~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~p  
  
pDisclaimer: We all know the drill: everything here isn't mine, they're (the utterly brilliant) Miyazaki's. p  
  
pA/N: This is my first one-shot. I don't know if it's angst-y enough. It was really sad when Haku let go of her hand, so I went from there. I'm taking a short break from writing my HP fanfic "Rainy Farewells". Huge writer's block. Thanks for the reviews (if any)! p 


End file.
